Whole Again
by Serenitas
Summary: I cannot escape his memory and I cannot forget. It was one year ago when he left me cold and shivering by the river. I think my heart is still down there. I see a face more familiar than my own, why is he here today of all days? HD


            This is a rabid plot bunny that I have been fighting for a week and refused to let go. This is for Leboshi who claims I've taken all the smut and fluff of his life, and for anyone else who just needs a bit (overwhelming dose) of fluffy smut. This fic is inspired by the song "Whole Again" by Play and by the Canadian October weather. Thanks to my FANTASTIC beta Keshu who is not only good for feedback, but is also the most incredible person I've ever known. For those waiting for chapter 9 of A Song Unsung, it IS written and in the capable hands of Keshu now. She is my Goddess and I obey her. ^_^

            I am not JK Rowling, I do not own this song nor our two gorgeous guys. Flames will be used to light my arrows that I will fling into your cold, black hearts.

            Enjoy!

            I stared at the sun peeking through the early October clouds and drew my scarf tighter to ward off the chill of the frosty day and gave a sad smile. I always loved the autumn and winter for it reminded me of the one man who I'd loved so much, so strongly that it had hurt at times. Draco Malfoy gave me acceptance and love in a way that my friends never could and in return, I gave Draco all I was. I never truly believed that Draco would follow his father and leave, never believed he'd follow through on the rumours that he was engaged, was only using me for a toy before his impending nuptials, none of it. I've been cold for a year, since he left.

            They had all been true. Draco had smirked at me, told me it had been a good run between the two of us and that beloved enemies wasn't just a silly thing you heard whispered in the shadows. 

            When Draco left, he walked off with my heart, leaving me empty and hurt and standing in the chill autumn air. 

            It was a year later and I still hadn't really recovered, at least not the point I was at before I'd been with Draco. Ron and Hermione just couldn't bring me out of this mood, no matter how many eligible people they 'accidentally on purpose' traipsed in front of me. All I can see is Draco…_Draco… _but I'm certain that Draco Malfoy didn't even think about Harry Potter anymore, what with his fortune and his glorious future serving Voldemort. The fact that I was so completely wrong about him amuses me at times, but no matter how evil he is I still love him.

            As I lost myself in the thoughts of what I had once had, I headed to the park where he had broken it off with me, needing closure at last. Oh don't get me wrong, I would never forget Malfoy and never stop loving him, but life has to go on right?

            Imagine my surprise when I got there only to see a figure more familiar to me than my own face.

**_If you see me walking down the street   
Staring at the sky, dragging my two feet   
You just pass me by   
It still makes me cry   
You can make me whole again _**

            He was staring at the Thames, the slight breeze ruffling his un-gelled hair. I had always told him he looked far sexier when his hair wasn't slicked back like some cheesy gangster. He appeared to be a bit thinner, but just as aristocratic, just as gorgeous as I remembered. Just looking at him brings my mind back to those illicit trysts we had in this very park, to those steamy encounters that he claimed were desperately needed to keep from freezing.

            _"Draco…"_

_            "Potter if you insist on moving your mouth, put it to better use."            _

_            I'd drag my tongue down his firm chest, teasing his navel, making him groan and curse in frustration when I refused to go lower, claiming I was far too modest to do any such thing in public. We both knew it was a bold faced lie but it was keeping up the pretence._

_            Draco so desperate for me that he merely lowered my trousers and fingered my cleft before frantically inserting his cock in my arse and thrusting violently, pounding into me. I never once objected to him and his desperate hunger – it only made me love him more. Oh the length of him, the feel of his flesh was something that always made me incoherent, no more than the time when I'd tied his arms behind his body around the tree while I shagged him senseless. He still blames me for the resulting concussion he got due to him flinging his head back against the trunk while he screamed in ecstasy as I worked myself inside him. Thank Merlin for silencing charms otherwise we would have been arrested for indecent exposure._

_            "Draco I love you."_

_            "I love you more."_

_            "Will you fuck me now?"_

_            "Love to mate." He'd smirk as he would lift his lips off my weeping erection and to my lips. I'd taste pre-cum and his distinctive flavour and it was intoxicating. He always insisted on direct eye contact when he entered me, that way we could hide nothing but see everything. _

He was like a whirlwind in my life, just as brief and just as destructive. Sometimes I still reach out to his memory as if I can grab onto him and press him to my body, never letting him go, letting him complete me once more. Our time together was brief but in that time he became more a part of me than anyone ever had. He made me whole.

  
**_If you see me with another guy   
I'm laughing and I'm joking   
Trying to get by   
I won't put you down   
'Cause I want you around   
You can make me whole again_**   
  


He stiffened as I walked towards him, saying nothing but unwilling to look away. My heart sped up as I was assaulted with memories of when we first got together. Oh Draco…if only you knew that I forgive you for leaving me, and that I love you still. I don't come too close to you, keeping away and watching you out of the corner of my eye as I too turn and look at the grey river. It was this spot where it ended, it was in this river that you had thrown my heart. I'm sure it was down there somewhere.

I close my eyes and hunch my shoulders against the sudden gust of wind, wishing for your arms more than any other sensation. When I re-open my eyes you are blatantly watching me. I refuse to speak first.

"Potter." 

Do you know the effect your voice has on me? Do you have the slightest idea? Do you know that I get an instant erection when I hear that wonderfully aristocratic voice?

"Malfoy." I reply thankful my voice didn't crack.

"How have you been?"

You're so polite, so proper. You'd never know that we once exchanged bodily fluids in many different positions. "Grand." I say faintly, hoping you don't walk closer to me. The wind brings your scent faintly to me on the breeze and it makes me want to weep with longing of you. "Yourself?"

            You arch an eyebrow at me. "You haven't heard the latest news?"

            I shake my head. "I stopped listening to the news about ten months ago. There's nothing good that they ever report, so what's the point right?"

            You shake your head at me. "Potter I can't believe this. Didn't Granger keep you apprised?"

            "I'm sure she would've if I still spoke to her." I say calmly. "I haven't been very social this past year." Not since you…

  
**_Looking back on when we first met   
I cannot escape and I cannot forget   
Baby, you're the one, you can do no wrong   
You can make me whole again   
  
_**

You let out a snort as you eye me up and down. "You've lost weight."

"Having no appetite will do that to you." I nod.

"What are you doing here?"

Is that guilt I hear in your voice my former lover? "I come here often." I tell you making direct eye contact. "There's just something about this spot that keeps drawing me back."

"I know what you mean." You sigh. "I come here almost every day."

I can't resist, though I'm sure I don't want to hear the answer. "Why?"

You don't answer. "You moved out of your apartment."

"I didn't want to stay there." I say dully. "There was a bad aura inside it."

How can I tell you that every room reminded me of you? That your laughter and your voice lingered within those walls? You will never know that I burned the bed linens and my clothes to banish your scent from my mind a few months ago, once I stopped pretending that you were coming back. You're never coming back, that's why I wonder why you are here on this day of all days.

  
**_Time is laying heavy on my heart   
Seems I've got too much of it   
Since we've been apart   
My friends make me smile   
If only for a while, but you can make me whole again_**   
  
            Your studying me with that speculative look you're famous for. I take a deep breath. "How's the wife?"

You look a bit surprised that I had the stones to ask before smirking. "Why do you want to know?"

I feel a surge of anger towards you. You're enjoying this you cocky bastard. "It's the polite thing to ask." I retort. "I never had a chance to congratulate you on your wedding last year."

You almost glide towards me. "No you didn't." you chuckle. "And I spent so much time teaching you about proper etiquette."

"Well you know me." I say flippantly.

You lean towards my ear as I lean back. You're too close to me Draco and I want to take you into my arms and kiss you, but you are no longer mine. "Tell me Potter," you murmur. "Would you have congratulated me if you could?"

Damn you. I can see from the expression on your face that you already know the answer and are toying with me. "What the hell do you want Malfoy?" I spit, losing my temper. You are mocking my pain, taking pleasure in the fact that I can't get over you, that I love you still.

  
**_Looking back on when we first met   
I cannot escape and I cannot forget   
Baby, you're the one, you can do no wrong   
You can make me whole again_**

"I've been waiting for you in this ungodly weather for over an hour." You nod to me.

"Why?"

You shiver and run your hands up your arms. "May we adjourn somewhere a bit warmer?" you question. "I'd like to see your new place."

I sigh and nod, wanting to get out of the cold myself – I'll never tell you I haven't been warm since you left. The wind is picking up and coming right out of the north, as frigid as your feelings towards me now. "Follow me." As I lead you to my new apartment, much closer to the river I berate myself in my head. Am I insane? Have I lost my mind? Why in the name of all that holy am I bringing you with me?

I conclude that I am insane and have no sense of reasoning when it comes to you.

I never have.

  
**_So now, I've had to wait   
But baby, if you change your mind   
Don't be too late   
'Cause I just can't go on   
It's already been too long   
But you… can make me whole again_**   
  
            Your eyes widen when you take in the new building, far more lavish than the tiny flat I used to live in – not that it mattered, you were there. This new place is far more fitting for my status – you always hated that tiny apartment. I head up to the top floor where only the rich live. "I see you finally decided to put all that money you had to good use." You comment.

"Jealous?"

You choke. "Potter I live in a mansion that dwarfs this whole building. I pity you for living here but at least you're no longer in that…shack."

"It was a home." While you were in it that is…

You appraise the new apartment, taking in the décor. It's very art deco, very modern and very cold. There is not a bit of warmth in this flat, it is all for show. "Do you even live here?" you ask, amazed.

"I do."

"Potter, you are an undisputable slob, this place is immaculate. What did you get a House Elf?"

"I don't spend much time here." I answer as I head for the kitchen. "Do you want a cup of tea?"

You nod. "That wind outside cuts right through you like nothing else."

Nothing…except those words you told me last year. I fix the tea, not wanting to make small talk with you. Staring at the kettle, almost willing the water not to boil. I hear you rustling behind me but don't want to turn around and look. What was I thinking bringing you here? As I grab the two cups and turn around, I gasp when I see that you are sprawled on my couch, having found my photo albums. "Where are my photos Potter?" 

I hand you the cup of tea and snatch the album from you, hastily shoving them all towards a chair. "Why did you go the park today?"

"You know what today is as well as I do." You reply, taking a sip. 

"All the more reason to know why." I persist. "Shouldn't you be getting back to your Death Eater wife?"

You laugh. "Just to see the jealousy burning in your eyes is enough Potter." 

I glare at you, almost hating you in this moment for making light of my pain. "What the hell do you want from me?"

You touch my cheek gently. "Potter…Harry." You draw in a breath. "You should have followed the news and stayed in touch."

"Why?"

"My 'wife' is in prison. I did what I had to so I could get vital inside information and give it to the Aurors. It all came out a few months ago, I'm not a spy I'm a hero." You give me a crooked grin. "Rather like yourself."

"So?"

You shake your head. "You pillock, have you forgotten everything over this past year?" you demand. "I had to hurt you to keep you safe."

"You got married." I said in a broken voice. "You fecking got married!"

"I had no choice!"

"We always have choices Malfoy!" I yelled, pushing away your hand and standing. "You made the wrong one and now you expect me to believe that everything you said, everything you did was to keep me safe?"

You're looking murderously at me. "You would have done the exact same thing if you were in my shoes."

I fall silent, knowing you're right. "So who do you have in your bed now?"

You smirk. "Right now my bed and my mansion are empty."

I clear my throat. "Well I'm sure the ladies will fall into line for you. An eligible divorcee such as yourself should have no problem in finding someone to bed with."

"Ah but you see I am having a great deal of trouble Potter." 

"Why is that?" 

"Well my ex-wife has turned me off women rather permanently, and I find sucking a man's cock to be quite disgusting except in certain circumstances."

I feel tears burn my eyes with that statement. "Are you only here to hurt me further?" I demand, unable to hold the accusation back. "Is that why you were at the river today?"

You shake your head. "You barmy idiot." Batting away my hands you grab my face between your cool hands. "The only cock I want to suck is yours Potter. The only one I want in my bed is you. This past year has been a living hell for me – when I fucked my wife I had to picture you, think of you just to get it up. She did nothing for me – no one could after you. I talked to Granger who talked to Weasley who talked to his father and had you followed. I suspected your routine but needed it confirmed. One year ago today I broke your heart and left you."

"And you think I'm just going to take you back, no questions asked?" I asked in a raspy voice. Damn I feel tears pricking my eyes.

"I expect you to ask questions Harry," you say softly. "But I expect you to understand and forgive me."

"I had to leave my apartment because of you." I say in a broken voice. "I burned clothing and bed linens and hid pictures and…"

You cut off my babbling by bringing your lips to mine. Suddenly the reasons don't matter anymore.

  
**_Looking back on when we first met   
I cannot escape and I cannot forget   
Baby, you're the one, you can do no wrong   
You can make me whole again_**  
  


Am I dreaming or not? I'm being lowered to my cold bed as you crawl on top of me and reverently remove my clothing. I can't speak; the silence is almost sacred as I reach for you, wanting to unwrap you, wanting to be a part of you. Your body is so white, so smooth like the flesh of a baby. My tongue wrestles with yours as I lose myself in your lips, in your eyes that you refuse to close. I can't close my eyes, this is too much like my dreams only now you're real and you're here. If I even blink you'll vanish and I'll be alone again.

I run my tongue down to your nipples, tasting your flavour, remembering that you like me to graze them with my teeth. As my fingers drift down your body to touch your shaft, you're already weeping for me, moist and beckoning my lips. I leave behind your delightful chest to seek my joy elsewhere.

Your hand shoots out to stop me. "Let me." You mouth.

I nod silently, rolling on my back and spreading my legs while you skim down my body to my cock. You have been the only one I ever trusted enough to go down on me; the only one I ever wanted to go down on me. Your mouth is liquid heat as you engulf me, watching my facial expressions intently. 

"Draco…" I moan your name like a prayer. You are my God and you have returned to me.

"Harry." You whisper, letting the vibrations titillate me further.

I reach between my legs to your bobbing head. "I want to come with you inside me."

You nod as you bury your face between my cheeks, your tongue reaching into my hole. "Fuck!" I shout as I arch off the bed. "Draco!"

"Still so easy to please." You say smugly, one finger probing my entrance.

"Draco, take that dick of yours and shag me until I can't walk." I plead. I need your touch, I need to feel you…  
   
**_Looking back on when we first met   
I cannot escape and I cannot forget   
Baby, you're the one, you can do no wrong   
You can make me whole again_**

You enter me in one smooth motion, your hands clasping mine tightly as you begin to thrust in and out. How had I lived without this for a year? How had I lived without you? All that I ever wanted is right here in this bed with me, shagging me, kissing me. I throw my head back, unable to look at you any more, the beauty of this moment more than I can stand. I wrap my legs around your waist and pull you deeper in me. 

You whisper my name as our sweat mingles. I can't make out the words that you're murmuring to me, it all sounds like one beautiful melody that flows over me, making me complete again.

As climax approaches I tense around you, dragging my nails down your back and letting them rest in your undulating arse as you hiss in pleasure/pain. I scream your name so loudly the neighbours probably think I've been killed, but it is only the Little Death. You grab my hips and jab yourself into me a few more times before spilling your load into my waiting depths and collapsing on my chest, burying your face in my neck. I wrap my arms around you and smile. For the first time in a year I'm content.

"Potter?" you murmur blearily.

I hum, unable to speak after such an intense orgasm. 

"You do know you're leaving this apartment right?"

"I am?" I arch an eyebrow.

"You're moving in with me."

I'm in no mood to argue. "Alrighty."

"You're going to marry me."

Sounds good to me. "Works for me."

"You're going to fuck me again."

"With great pleasure." I say wickedly, already formulating how I'm going to do this. We DO have a year to make up for after all. "And you'll never leave me again, even if it is for my own protection."

"Agreed."

I kiss your forehead gently. "I just don't work without you Draco."

You rest your head against my shoulder. "Harry?"  
  


"Draco?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."  
  


"Will you shag me again?" you sound like you're pleading.

How can I refuse such a request? How can I refuse you anything? Draco, from the moment I realized I loved you there has been no one else but you. I have never cared about your past; I have never cared what they said about you. You are my golden prince and you can do no wrong in my opinion. You make me whole again Draco and that is all I care about.

The chill of October can't get us here. For the first time in a year, I'm warm.

  
**_Baby you're the one, you can do no wrong   
You can make me whole again _****__**

                What did you think? Please review!


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